Regrets...

It feels so bad, so empty, so lost. But anyway, nothing’s going to be like it was… It’s too late to fix up, my mistakes. Sometimes I’d like to shout, to cry, and to apologise, but not even these groans can make me have faith on myself. I’m still looking at my window, night is dark, silence keeps drown my words, just darkness, the moon and the mirror, can describe how many times I’ve decided to drop all my desires. Not another chance I have. My last chance had been the clearest one, I’ve ever had. Memories and illusions are still living inside my head. Every sigh keeps my strength and my pride over this mask that I’m forced to wear. How many times have I hidden myself, behind a smile? How many times have I lied to everybody, that everything’s going alright, and nothing matters me? It really shudders. I’ve learnt how to live this way, always living worried, and trembling about what can the hell comes next…  I don’t want to talk. I don’t want. My eyes burn, my words die at the middle of their pronunciation, my sighs get trapped inside my throat, my faith leaves growing, I leave breathing, I leave believing, I’ll give up to everything. I’m lost. I don’t think, life’s important to live… I don’t really care, because nobody cares if I’m alright or not. Nobody cares if my faith keeps on growing. Nobody care if I still have faith. I want to sleep, and never wake up. I know I’m living a nightmare, the realest nightmare I've ever had in my life. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this fight, I wasn’t. Maybe this world is just made for the ones, who really believe themselves and they’re sure from what they are doing. And they aren’t afraid from what could this world offers them. This world is just for the ones who can control both worlds, without mixing their feelings with school works. I tried to join them, but I just can’t.  I know, I wasn’t made for this, I wasn’t. Everybody could look at me, and feel compassion about my weakness. Nothing in this world is saved. I’m not enough brave to confess my mistakes. I’m not. I’m not enough rude to fight for what I strongly believe. Can I go back to those moments? Can I? Can I return to those games?  And sometimes I’d like to clear all these thoughts from my mind, and never bring them back. I want to have an answer for this question that trembles in my head strongly and loudly at each moment I spent living…